I often lay awake at night wondering what it is that I’m still doing here. I spend each day surrounded by people of different religions and cultures, all of them with a belief in something. Beliefs in god, heaven,hell, afterlife, reincarnation, I envy all of it. I wish that I could simply believe in something.
Many times I feel as if I am cursed to have to suffer the harsh reality of it all coming to an end one day and for what? Why do I bother?I will spend my life searching for something that’s not there; doomed to roam for nothing. I will pour hours of work and dedication in to a passion that will be tossed out when I’m gone. I find myself anxious, grasping on for an excuse to waste my time just a little longer.
I have lost faith in everything that could bring peace of mind. I used to believe that Love was the answer to the questions and honestly that has been ruined for me. One after another my passions die out and I am left to watch the ignorant bask in their happiness, believing that they will live on for eternity in their happiness. They get to die thinking they’re starting over. I will die knowing that it’s the end and until that very last breath I will be fighting for nothing.
I am in no way scared to die; though, to miss out would be devastating.
A little side note: I knew a girl once that made all this alright. My beliefs, or lack thereof, have never changed, but while losing sight of her, I also lost sight of the answer to my questions. To have back that feeling, would be enough heaven for me.
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