I lay here watching as these days fly by and I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. Then, like a bad train wreck I feel the realization hit me.
What am I doing in this hypocritical world? Why do friends have to judge? And why do I care?
I'm so sick of trying to please; searching for the perfect girl and always coming up short. They never seem to measure, and now I lay here and watch as the one girl I can see is all over someone else. It is more disappointing that I made the mistake of not seeing things sooner, than actually having to watch this. This I can handle. This I've seen before.
Regret is such a harsh word. I don't ever regret things or wish they could have been different. I just wish I knew how to make what I want to happen work now, after the fact. The idea of this engulfing my body for any longer than it needs is almost devastating. I'm tired, literally tired of everything. Trying to make things right. Trying to control. Trying to feel. It's probably the most physically draining thing that can be felt.
"If I was a flower growing wild and free, all I would want is you to be my sweet honey bee."
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